What to drink at a BBQ – A.S. Laboratory Findings.


As watermen & waterwomen we notoriously spend a lot of time in the outdoors, we therefore likely have a few more outside cooking occasions a year than the average minion. We find outdoor cooking sesh’s or BBQ’s go well with a tipple.

However not everyone likes a drink. The findings below will pose as no benefit to Teetotallers other than a few laughs. But for those who enjoy the odd ‘summink to wet the whistle’ this is a very scientifical study what we did via lots of years and loads of having BBQ’s

We present our findings to you whereby we have tried literally thousands of drink strategies, each one a partial success or valuable but remorseful learning exercise.

Nobody wants to be that person (Let’s call her Sarah…Yeah, you Sazza!), the one who says they are fine but continues to knock over small children. The knock on effect being frantic eye communications between spouses as one tries to psychically import full sentences using nothing but eye movement and eyebrows. We therefore offer these findings to support your own innovative journey of drink selection strategy whilst at a BBQ


To create a drinking strategy whilst at a BBQ that does not hinder the experience or cause huge faux pas.


Over the course of many, many years we have held/were invited to/turned up to/stumbled upon loads of BBQ’s or outdoor eats. On 98.2% (heavy previous nights or breakfast BBQ’s made up the additional 1.8%. NB personally and contrary to a fairly universal opinion, we believe it’s fine to drink at children’s birthday parties) of these occasions we had one or more alcoholic beverage. This study provides the findings and recommendations that will support the reader to inform their BBQ drinking journey of discovery.


We tested multiple mixes of drink selection based on the type of food, atmosphere, temperature and general theme of the gathering.


Too much of anything makes you feel shit later.

Our most recent experiments have been around ales & lagers. Whilst cold lagers are refreshing during a hotter climate they don’t half make you need to piss loads.

Ale selection is more complicated, there is a level of weight and selecting the correct one to accompany the food. More worryingly was the complication of gas. More often than not, with an average of 2.43 bottles of Ale we found incredible build up of silent but deadlies that demanded exit.

Cider (AKA Trampagne) is readily available at most rural parts of the country. Enough high strength scrumpy has similar side effects to dropping acid. Jelly legs and waking up in a bush are common side effects.

Sparkling wine was struck off early on as a ‘one glass only’. Particularly Prosecco & Champagne were considered a trap. Glasses are often topped up and recipients lose track of intake. Then someone has to look after Nannie. Plus drinking sparkling wine out of travel mugs is not as much fun.

Red Wine selection findings were also mixed. The key takeaways from multiple experiments was to select a red wine with strong flavours. The ones that offered less of a palette got provided with no respect and were drunk quicker, they were also culpable of burning a few sausages (school boy/girl errors).

If you are not in your 20’s do not do shots, it’s not like what it was.

Spirit based drinks are a danger. Measurements need to be strictly adhered to as higher intake leads to ‘behaving like a twat’. However, we found rum to be very versatile. One interesting finding was that when rum is mixed with many types of fruit juice the outcome was a refreshing and perhaps healthier option. The addition of crushed ice formed a talking point with comments of ‘ooOOoo that looks nice’ and ‘can I have one of them’. The addition of mint leaves for decoration further caused for instant attraction.

Whilst Pimms is very refreshing and will give you that Agatha-Christie-character-at-a-county-cricket-game sort of feel, it appears it can only be successfully mixed by the gallon and therefore needs to be drunk as such. So numbers are usually the best way of mediation.

Whilst the idea of a single malt next to a crackling log fire on a crisp evening in November might seem like the perfect choice, it can lead to the early onset of sleep or fights. Never buy cheap blended whiskey, this will be judged.

The atmosphere and theme of the event needs careful consideration. There are usually levels. Going big before everyone else should usually (but not always) enforce adjustment to redress the balance of sobriety. The outcome’s of this are ‘slowing it down’ or going past the point of accepting logical advise and getting twatted.

Birthdays and celebrations usually have a higher acceptable level.


Our findings suggest that sticking on the same grain or grape is by far the best way to drink at a BBQ. We also thoroughly recommend safe control and having a ‘carer’ present that will double up as your lift home.

Our best strategy for ales, ciders and lagers was 1 or 2 Hop House 13‘s (or similar) and then moving on to a rum based dakari which also doubled up to provide the feeling of being somewhere nicer than you are.

Always make sure you know where the nearest appropriate toilet is.

With wine we found that red wine works better if this is a BBQ in somebodies garden. You don’t want to lug a set of glasses down to the beach and swigging out of a bottle makes people judge you (despite you offering them to do the same).

Premix your own spirits. This can also give you the added value of pouring them into an empty bottle of a more expensive spirit than the Kwiksave Saver Range piss that you’ve actually used.

Please note: All of our findings are preliminary we will continue to test and hone these strategies over the course of our (probably vastly reduced) lifespans.



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