I never expected to have a mental health breakdown in my mid-thirties, but then I guess no-one really expects it to happen. It wasn’t a big, dramatic event, more a gradual slide down into darkness until I woke up one day and realised I didn’t want to live anymore. My life fell apart; I couldn’t eat, sleep, look after my children and I needed someone with me to keep me safe.
I reached out for help, but services are stretched and I was put on a waiting list for support. Without knowing how long it would be before I got help, it hit me that the only person who could save my life, was me.
I set about rebuilding my life very slowly, tiny step by tiny step. I started by writing in a journal every day to clear my mind and help order my thoughts. A friend heard about this and recommended a fabulous organisation: Recovery Devon (Involvement – Recovery Devon) because they offer a range of courses, including writing, run by a team of people with lived experience of mental ill-health. I looked through the options and one caught my eye: learn to surf.
Having spent most of my childhood in Devon, trips to the beach were a regular occurrence and I’d always been drawn to the sea as the one place where the noise of my anxiety would abate. I learned to bodyboard and loved it, but even though I always watched the surfers with envy, wishing I could join their cool tribe, I never got up the courage to take a lesson.
I booked myself on and the lesson was great – the team quickly put me at ease and once I got into the sea its calming powers worked their magic. It was two hours of throwing myself into the water and towards the end I got up! It felt incredible and I’ve been hooked ever since!
I live inland but head to the beach as often as I can. I spent that first year practicing and spending more time wiping out than anything else. But every trip to the beach helped me gain a little bit of head space and confidence that this was a life I could stay for.
Being in the waves helps me process the ups and downs of mental health recovery and I learn a lot from the sea:
- there will always be more waves (of mental illness as well as sea water) so be prepared,
- make the most of the space between the waves to breathe and reset and,
- you can’t control the surf; you need to practice so you can surf whatever’s there.
It’s even inspired me to start a mental health podcast to find out how other people find space between the waves of their mental health. So if you’re struggling with your mental health or want to discover a new way of bolstering your resilience then get yourself a wetsuit and board and have a go. Surfing helped save my life, imagine what it could do for you.
If you would like to listen and/or subscribe to Hannah’s podcast you can access it via Spotify or Apple, it’s well worth a listen.
