We were listening to a podcast this morning – the kinda weird ‘Curious Cases of Rutherford & Fry’– they were saying that the moon used to be 17 times closer, making it’s pull on the seas just a tad stronger, making tidal waves a fairly chunky 3km high. YEAH. 3KM HIGH.

It got us thinking… HOW DO WE BRING THE MOON CLOSER?!

Yeah OK, I hear ya, it sounds like a plan from a Ian Fleming novel, and granted, we are not scientifical and shit, but hear us out…

The closer the moon, the stronger the pull of its gravity on the sea, the bigger the tide.

Think about it. Think about being able to harness this power. Maybe even bring the moon closer for certain evenings and weekends so that your spot is guaranteed swell, and then putting it back after. It’s genius and we can think of no downsides at all. It begs the question, why is Kelly Slater putting all that effort into his ‘wave pond’ instead of teaming up with NASA?!

Plastic waste may be a more pressing issue, but this is clearly… way more fun…?

So, how do we bring the moon closer? Well, we’ve thought about this for way more than 10 minutes and done some maths, and we have thought of at least 3 ways to make this dream a reality.

We’ve done the maths so you don’t have to.


You know the Chinese have already landed on the dark side of the moon (absolutely ruined the LP, and it was a first pressing. Badum-bum-cha! #dadjoke), and you’ve seen that film Armageddon, yeah? WE ARE THE WEAVERS: get those two concepts in the sack and see what baby flies out. We can literally blast that moon towards us.

Granted, this method is risky. So we might need some further maths…


Don’t dismiss this as crazy. There is (almost) research already for similar plans. The ‘Lunar Space Elevator’ is a proposed transportation system for moving a big lift/carriage up and down a cable that is set between the surface of the Moon and Earth. Well, we say MAKE IT A RATCHET STRAP. Let’s pull that big white bad boy closer to us. This will also reduce the Lunar Space Elevator’s travel time. TWO BIRDS!

This method arguably gives the operator a greater level of control, allowing for adjustments on a tide by tide basis.


Yeah, subvert the maths. Make the moon bigger, so WE get closer to IT. Much like the creation of artificial reefs we just put a whole load of stuff ON THE MOON. Just useless stuff like bendy busses, block buster membership cards… Katie Hopkins. Until the moon is so much heavier those waves just pick themselves up.

Our maths indicates a tipping point; this method could very realistically result in the two cosmic bodies colliding, ruining surf for everyone, so we’d have to be careful.

The perils.


Clearly, from the above, this is very possible, and has massive potential to improve many a spot, or even be harnessed so that WSL Events NEVER go lacking again. It begs the question – WHY ISN’T NASA DOING THIS?! I mean, we’re just a couple of guys in a broom cupboard sharing a can of Red Bull and we’ve come up with 3 ways of cracking this wide open.

With all the money big surf brands have (Billabong Odyssey), and Elon Musk’s love of crazy space adventures, this whole venture can really only be a few years away, tops.

So in summary, CLOSER MOON PLEASE.



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